On Disappointment

I have a disappointment about France. I'm not sure how to better word that statement, because if I say something like "I have to face a disappointment" or "I am facing my first disappointment", then it implies 1. an unnecessary gravity to the situation and 2. that I anticipate there being many more disappointments.* Though I had hoped and hoped that I would live in a homestay with a fantastic French family who would immediately love me and bestow upon me all of their numerous French learnings and mannerisms,  I have, instead, received notification that I will be living in my second housing option for the summer: Cité Universitaire.

CU (not CU) is dorm housing for international students. For those who don't know, this was actually my first option for a significant amount of time, but then I realized how important my linguistic growth is to me, and how rapidly I wanted to learn. It is likely that the main spoken language in the dorms will be English. Hencethereforeergo, I decided to switch my first option to a homestay to guarantee that only French would be spoken by me and to me. I was also looking forward to the fact that maybe, if I really worked well with the family I stayed with in the summer, I would be able to stay with them in the fall as well and build an even stronger connection to them. I would learn more and get more out of the experience.

So yes, I'm very disappointed. But let's be real, I'm still living in Paris for 7 months, and it's going to be amazing. My friend Ariel will be staying in the dorms as well, I believe, so we'll have each other to lean on, and I'll have to meet new people (Non-CU students) faster. This is great, actually, because I could use some travel buddies for later in the summer! I just have to make sure that my linguistic goals maintain their position at the top of my priorities list, and everything will be perfect!



* I do, actually, but not because I'm a cynic. This is going to be a difficult transition into a new culture far from friends and family and my normal support systems or ways. And things will be different than I want them to be sometimes, which can lead to disappointment, but I acknowledge this for the sake of being okay with it. 

What's the point of all these things?!

I decided to get a Tumblr. Maybe because I've grown weary of my own inability to tweet, or maybe the ability to actually interact with people no longer appeals to me (facebook). Maybe I just like the idea of the abandoned vowel in "tumblr". Whatever the reason is, I have one now.


Unfortunately, I can't really figure out the point of any of these things. Brielle has explained Twitter to me a thousand times, but I always just have to respond with a shrug and say "Okay?".  Blogs are nice if you have something to say, but they make me feel genuinely narcissistic and overly self-involved. They also make me feel like I spent too much time looking at a computer screen. Or maybe they make me feel lonely, because who really reads these things anyway? All the people I care about, I care about in real time in the real world. I love to see them vis-a-vis, and I see no shame in this antiquated means of relaying who I am and what I care about to them.


But I don't have that luxury anymore. Or I won't soon, actually, because I'm going to be in Paris for the next 7 months. 


And so I guess the real reason I decided to return to this blog (which I made ages ago), and the true reason I got a tumblr (fifteen minutes ago) is because of selfish reasons. Not entirely selfish, because I know there are people out there who will care about where I've been, what I've seen, and who I'm growing into being (yes, Mom, I'm talkin 'bout chu), but mostly selfish, because I want to keep track of myself. I think it would be nice. I think that, between all the means of relaying information and showing flashy pictures, I will feel a bit too spread out, though. I can already foresee the struggle (do these beach photos go on my Tumblr or my Facebook!?). Ah, chaos will ensue. 


But before it does, I'll collect my thoughts here over the next days. And soon I will be in France, and maybe I won't have time to exist in both the real world and the interwebs. Maybe I'll just get a journal (read: diary!) and handwrite everything as I've always done and always feel so inclined to do. We'll see how it goes. Right now, this will suffice.


But don't expect any tweets. I still don't get that. If I'm supposed to be a child of the 21st century, perhaps I was adopted...